the meteor

by nick nelson

part one of four

it was a bright sunshiny morning. all the productive people in the world were up and about their business. james entered the central building. a security guard at the front desk looked up as he approached. may i help you, she asked james. yes, i have something i would like to report. and what might that be? a meteor is approaching earth and will collide with it and destroy it at four o’clock tomorrow afternoon. that is four o’clock on wednesday, june 23, 3078? yes. please take a seat, someone will be with you shortly. * james took a seat on a long bench against the wall. the morning passed. a few people came and went. * finally an individual appeared and approached james. he was a tall thin man, wearing a green tie with a pattern of little pink pigs heads. james thought the tie in poor taste, but did not say so. the tall thin man said to james, follow me. james followed him. they passed a corridor full of elevator doors and care to an unmarked green metal door. it looked like the door to a stairwell but entered into a small windowless office, which was furnished with a desk and two chairs. please take a seat, the thin man said to james, and james did so. the thin man did not take a seat himself but opened a drawer of the desk and took a file folder out of it. he handed the folder to james along with a sharpened number 2 pencil. please fill out this questionnaire, the thin man instructed james. someone will be with you shortly. james was no stranger to questionnaires, but he could not refrain from interjecting plaintively, but a meteor is going to strike the earth at four o’clock tomorrow. please fill out the form, the thin man repeated with a touch of asperity. he started to go out the door. very well, james replied resignedly, as he scanned the first page of the questionnaire, but before you go, may i ask your name? my name? how dare you! why do you want to know my name? because, james answered politely, if someone asks why i am filing out this form, i wish to be able to tell them who gave it to me and asked me to complete it. no one is going to ask you that, the thin man responded icily. just fill it out and get it over with it. i believe, james continued doggedly, that as a public official you are required to give me your name if a citizen such as myself requests it. oh, very well then, the thin man sighed. my name is henry ward beecher. james was taken aback. henry ward beecher! but i had always pictured you as rather a portly individual, but i see that you do not fit that description at all! be that as it may, henry ward beecher replied, that is my official cognomen, and i bid you good day. you have exactly thirty minutes to fill out the questionnaire, and i strongly advise you to get cracking. and with that henry ward beecher finally made his escape, leaving james alone with his thoughts, and with the questionnaire. part two